Director: John Reardon
Producer: Paul Knight
Executive Producer: Linda Agran
Duration: 120 minutes
Airdate: 20TH February 1988
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Malcolm is supposed to be taking a drill in the yard, but instead he stands at the top of the Watch Tower, pretending to be the Hunchback of Notre Dam. He shouts that he wants water, so the Watch set the hoses on him, which bruises his head and causes Hallam to have a go at them all.
Josie confides in Bayleaf that her husband Gerry has left her for good.
A boy runs into the Station as Sicknote is on duty in the Watch Room. The boy doesn't make much sense and says something about his 'friend' or gran being stuck on the roof. On the way to the shout, Tate asks the boy how old his friend is. The boy reveals that he's around the same age as him (7 1/4) and this his gran got him as a kitten.
The Watch arrive to find a cat stuck up a tree, which George gets down. Then, as the appliance is pulling away, the cat jumps out of the boy's arms and gets run over by the appliance!
On the way back to the station, a man runs out in front of Tate's crew and they pull over. They are led to a toilet where a man has been beaten up and is unconscious. Tate sends Charisma to get and get the Brook's Airway, only to find it's missing and that someone from the South-West area must have nicked it. Tate yells at them about checking their equipment after shouts with other areas.
Malcolm points out that it's a case of queer bashing, much to the annoyance of Tate. Neither Charisma or Malcolm will do mouth-to-mouth, so Tate does it himself and revives the man. Josie is sent to call the Police, however the witness is reluctant as Charisma babbles on about how their union and the Ambulance union is against the kiss of life in a case like that!
The Watch raise money to help a boy walk again, who was injured in an accident. They push an old appliance through the streets and raise £1,234.48!
Vaseline moonlights as a gardener and uses his Fireman boots whilst using Sodium Chlorite! Then as he spies on a woman over the fence, he spills the liquid on his boots!
Charisma meets Nicola McQueen at an Indian restaurant through a Lonely Hearts column. AS they plan to leave, Charisma calls George and asks him to pick him up in the limo. George can't believe what a woman like Nicola sees in Charisma and as Charisma quickly pops into the station to get something, George gives Nicola his card.
At Nicola's, Charisma walks into her bedroom wearing his Fire Gear. Nicola takes a picture of him, then tells him to leave. Nicola's bedroom wall is full of pictures on men in uniform! The next day at the station, Charisma continues to go on about Nicola!
The Watch are called to a blaze at a derelict house, where a dosser and his cat are living in the basement. During this shout, Vaseline's boots catch alight and he is in agony. Later, at the station, the Watch discuss Vaseline's boots catching alight and Malcolm reveals that he had been using them while moonlighting.
Nicola rings the station and asks for George!
Tate walks into the mess and reveals that the charity money has gone missing!
Tate and Hallam visit Vaseline in hospital, where Marion makes Vaseline tell them about the Sodium Chlorite! Vaseline then wonders if the accident will affect his sick pay!
Malcolm cuts the gran's tree and gives the boy the cat, which they saved in the fire in the derelict building. He suggests they call him Lucky.
Josie joins Bayleaf for dinner, but they are interrupted when Karen comes back home with Melanie. Karen is not pleased to see Josie in her house. The next day, Bayleaf attempts to apologise to Josie, but they are interrupted by Hallam, who reveals that Karen has been round to see Sandra and has been asking about Josie.
Two men break into a posh bloke's flat. They make him strip and cement him to his toilet! The Watch later free the man and find it hilarious as the man is taken to the hospital with his feet still cemented inside the toilet!
Later in the mess, Malcolm is still laughing about the shout and asks George about Nicola, ohowever he won't reveal much. George then asks Bayleaf about his love life just as Josie leaves the room to be interviewed by the police.
George and Charisma talk privately about Nicola and vow that they will never speak about it to anyone!
A nurse called Marion gives Vaseline a bed bath, much to the annoyance of Marion who bursts into the cubicle and slaps the nurse and is then chucked out by the ward Sister!
Dorothy meets a loan shark, Sharky Payne, in an attempt to get money to pay off all of her debts.
An old lady causes a horrific accident, by running out in the road. A huge pile-up is caused as loads of vehicles crash into each other and explode into flames. During the shout, the old ladie's head is found, which causes Sicknote to be physically sick.
The Police interview Vaseline about the missing money, however he thinks it's about Marion slapping the nurse!
Dorothy lies to Tony, telling him she over £1,000 for selling a load of things. Tpny, however, doesn't believe a word of it, so she reveals the truth. She got £270 for the stuff she sold and an £800 loan! Tony is livid that she got the money from Sharky Payne and takes the money back to him, along with a gang of people in case things got nasty.
Dorothy reveals to Josie that Tony had taken the missing charity money, but he couldn't go through with it and it was hidden in the Store Room. Tony later puts the money back, with the help of Josie and a giant cheque is presented in the pub to the boy, Alan.
Vaseline and George after Malcolm walks into the mess after being sprayed by a huge jet of water during a shout, where he was pretending to be the Hunchback of Notre Dam...
Charisma is rambling on about unions...
A copper to Tate, regarding keeping a cupboard in his office locked...
Malcolm to Josie after hearing the rumour about her and Bayleaf...
George - Glen Murphy
Dorothy - Carol Harrison
Memorable Quotes:
Vaseline: "George, do you know this man?"
George: "No, but his face rings a bell!"
Charisma: "The Ambulance union's also against it, case like this."
Tate: "Have you ever considered joining the diplomatic service Appleby?"
Copper: "You don't keep this locked?"
Tate: "This is a fire station, nor the criminal records office!"
Malcolm: "Ah, Firewoman Ingham. And how dare one ask is your love life?"
Josie: "Much the same as yours I would imagine, restricted to the odd wet dream!"
Starring:
Malcolm - Rupert Baker
Station Officer Tate - James Marcus
Sub Officer Hallam - Sean Blowers
Vaseline - Mark Arden
Charisma - Gerard Horan
Tony - Treva Etienne
Josie - Katharine Rogers
Sicknote - Richard Walsh
Bayleaf - James Hazeldine
Marion - Helen Blizard
Karen - Mandy More
Briant - Frank Ellis
Nicola McQueen - Catherine Neilson
Cyril - Ken Stott
Mrs. Simms - Noel Dyson
Gran - Sheelah Wilcocks
Indian Waiter - Puneet Sira
American Tourists - Cyril Saxon and Leonie Calder
Don Falmer - Sidney Livingstone
Melanie - Laura Hill
David - Gil Taper Myers
Man in toilet - Stuart Fell
Dosser - Max Mundy
Woman in market - Catherine Harding
Kevin - Ross Boatman
Nancy Tate - Yvonne Edgell
Jean Quigley - Amanda Dickinson
D.O. Thomas - Tony Caunter
D.S. Cooper - Kevin Quarmsy
D.C. Pope - Jamie Foreman
David McBeth - Adam Blackwood
Nurse - Dona Kirsch
Sharky Payne - John Blundell
Mrs. Whitehouse - Yvonne D'Alpra
Junior - Wilbert Johnson
Max - Sean Gascoine
Sister - Margaret Ashley
W.P.C. - Elisabeth Benjafield
Police Officer - Derek Broome
Mrs. Morton - Katharine Pope
Mum in car - Sarah Franzl
Children in car - Jodie Street and Alexander Knight
Claude - Steven Woodcock